Love story

It's a love story.
And it's better than Hollywood, because Hollywood never had character development this deep. Hollywood never had battles for us to face like the ones we face on a daily basis. And they never will, because nothing can compare to the depth of reality.
When Lydia and I first met, we barely knew anything about each other. To me, she was the somewhat quiet, but fun girl that I knew from Boardwalk. I was the boy that brought a young man with cerebral palsy by Boardwalk and Park Place every day to hang out and walk the Mall. Parts of our story from there are kind of a sort of fairy tale, to be sure, and I love it. It gives a magical touch to our life as a couple.
The drama that surrounds you when a twenty-seven year old guy falls in love with a barely eighteen year old girl is predictable, but it bound us together and made us stronger. The details of how we finally became reacquainted, in a church that I randomly decided to visit, on a day I almost didn't go, speak to me of the magical, miraculous goodness of a Divine Being that has a plan for my life, and it doesn't always match up with everyone else's preconceived notions.

But if you've been following our story, you already know about the magic from previous blog posts. I'm not here to muse over the arcane; I'm here to talk about the mundane stuff. The stuff you'll never see in a Hollywood production or a Hallmark feature because it doesn't make good drama.
I'm talking about the patient, but difficult task of learning to fully open up and trust again after a life full of broken relationships sown with distrust. I'm talking about, not finding a sense of the miraculous in everyday stuff, but just learning to enjoy the simple things in life, like sitting on the couch with your fiancée and doing nothing.
The learning to trust part is a task that isn't completed in an emotional two-minute scene on a Hollywood soundstage where the guy finally makes the "big decision" to just let go and everything turns around from there for the rest of the climactic finish. It's something that takes time, and a patient and understanding young woman. It's gradual, bit by bit.
I'm also talking about the arduous task of maintaining a relationship over six hundred miles of land, going for what seems like eternity longing for just a simple hug, or just to close your eyes and drink in the scent of her hair, but unable to because she's just that far away. I’m speaking of spending weekends hanging out with dear friends and wishing she were there to enjoy it with you.
I'm talking about learning that there actually is a girl out there that is perfectly content to sit on Skype and play solitaire with you all night, just so that we can enjoy being together. She's not concerned over whether I always have a laundry list of things to talk about; she just wants to be around me.
I'm talking about a woman who takes time to get to know my friends, not out of a sense of obligation, not because "I like him, and I better prove it by trying to understand his friends," such an attitude isn't truly interested in the guy. No, she gets to know my friends because they can be her friends, too. They aren't just "those weirdoes he hangs out with," they are cool people that she loves and appreciates just as much as I do.

It's all the little things; working out schedules that don't mesh well so we can have time to talk, to interact. Learning to work with each other in the so-called boring, everyday stuff that quickly becomes routine. Realizing you found someone that, like you, is perfectly ok with routine, as long as routine is with you. She doesn't have to be constantly entertained; it's a relationship, not a Hollywood special.

One of my favorite authors put it like this. The enjoyment of a thing is not just in the thing itself; it's in the memory of the thing.
A person can spend all their life wishing their relationship had all the magic and fast-paced adrenaline of those first few "getting to know you" months, but that stuff wasn't meant to last. It's an adrenaline rush for a reason, and wishing for it to be constant is going to cause burnout. But the memory of the thing; that is something you can hold onto. That you can latch onto, and someday, as soon as tomorrow, look back, share your memories, and say, "we did that together. We conquered that together." And then, you will smile at your accomplishments. It might have been something as mundane as comforting each other after a hard day or as amazing as a wonderful anniversary celebration, but they were memories you made, for better or worse.
These lessons learned, this love that was strengthened in the tough, mundane times, they are what make love last. Not the magic moments; those fade too quickly. Those magic moments are but respite from the mundane times, a time of relaxation to chill and make other types of memories.
Finding a, “sense of the miraculous in everyday life,” is not about doing heroic deeds every day. It is about understanding that the little things are what make life, life, and it’s about learning to enjoy those small things; all the small things.

Time and time again, Lydia has proven to me her determination and faithfulness; her determination to make things work, to be true to her promise to stand by me. And it's those little things that strengthen my love for her. Not the gifts and the laughter, those are but the sweet rewards of her love.
The things that strengthen our relationship are mundane; they're everyday. They are the things that most people would look at us and say, "You do what? Why bother?" that remind me how amazing she is, and how perfect for each other we are. It's sitting and just keeping each other on speakerphone while each does our own thing - prepare a D&D session, read a book, play mahjong. It's browsing Facebook with Skype running in the background so we can share whatever we come across on screen. It's being with each other, just to be there, not necessarily because we're providing any grand entertainment to one another, but because we just enjoy each other's company.
To me, that's magical.
That a girl could love someone with as much baggage as I have was unthinkable. For her to actually share common interests with me was unrealistic. And for us to actually hold the same goals and simple dreams in life, well, it's definitely a one-of-a-kind combination. To top that off with the fact she enjoys being around me, even if we aren't "doing anything" is endearing beyond the words I've just typed.
It is a love story. It is our love story. And we're sticking to it.

Engagement story!

So...where to start. I'd had the ring for quite some time and Lydia knew it. This created a bit of a predicament. I wanted to surprise her. She'd always wanted an October wedding, which meant I needed to ask in enough time for her to plan, and it wasn't until this past October her dad had finally been ok with the idea. All that on top of the fact she was living 600 miles away and I only got to see her once a month/every other month gave me a narrow window to do the deed.
This left me with two options; my Christmas visit, or Valentines Day. And on top of that, I needed time to officially ask her dad's permission without her knowing. That last factor pretty much left Christmas.
I had an issue, though. Lydia is smart, and she suspected. This was going to take some planning.
As fortune had it, she wound up having to work the day after I got to Mississippi. And her dad was semi-free. So, I took advantage of the opportunity and obtained his blessing quietly. I'm still not sure if anyone was aware of our brief conversation. I had been helping Lydia's eldest brother install a game I got him for Christmas, and while we were waiting on the game to install, I slipped downstairs, cornered my future father-in-law, apologized for the informality, but explained my need for stealth. He granted his blessing and gave me a hug. Lydia came home from work and didn't suspect a thing. She did later ask if I had found a chance to ask him, but I feigned ignorance.
The actual asking was simple. She didn't want it to be extravagant or draw a lot of attention to her. Something nice and quiet was all she wanted.
I had the perfect plan. We were going to visit my extended family in Oklahoma, and on the way, there was a nice overlook with a beautiful view I planned on stopping at.
Mother nature had other plans. It was pouring rain when we got to that point in our journey. The question would have to wait.
We had a good time visiting my family. Lydia got to cause chaos with Cousin Beth, and really seemed to fit in well with everyone.
We left, and I had an issue. The overlook I had planned to use was only accessible from one side of I-40 - The West bound side.
So I had to improvise. A quick Googling showed that none of her favorite restaurants were along our route, or near any feasible alternate route, and time was running out.
So, I was evil and unromantic. I made her choose. Told her we should stop somewhere "nicer" for lunch, her pick. I had partially given up on secrecy. I kept hinting it needed to be somewhere nicer. She didn't catch on. She chose a Ci-Ci's pizza in Arkansas.
We got to lunch and filled our plates. I had the ring in my pocket, and waited for an opportune moment.
We had fun chatting, as always. We playfully picked on each other and just had fun. At one point, she lovingly informed me that I was working on getting myself into trouble.
This was it. As unromantic as it may sound, it was "us;" goofy, spontaneous, and last minute. Oh, and done right, quiet and unobtrusive, just like she wanted.
I asked her if there was anything I could do to get myself out of trouble. She told me, smile on her face, "probably not." With a deft move of my hand, I slipped the jewelry box out of my pocket and held it between us. Her face paused in that moment, and she started grinning from ear-ear and turned bright red.
I was almost at a loss for words. The realization that I had actually managed to pleasantly surprise her, I quietly asked, "Lydia, you're an amazing woman, and I love you...will you marry me?"
She started nodding, smile still radiantly stuck on her face, before she managed to quietly say, "Yes."
She slipped off the promise ring I had given her before she moved so many months ago, and I slipped the diamond onto her hand.
We just snuggled in our booth then, holding hands and talking. At one point she asked me if I had actually asked her dad for his blessing (not that it changed her answer, she just didn't realize I had done it) and we got dessert and headed out.
As soon as we got in my car, out came the cell phones, changing relationship statuses on Facebook. We then headed back to Mississippi and her family. We spent New Year's with her grandma in the southern part of the state.
I have to close with this tidbit, though. Lydia is NOT a very ego-centric girl. While she's very people-friendly, she's not one to flaunt herself. So I have to tease her. We were at a bookstore near her house a day after she got engaged. We were checking out, and the cashier asked Lydia if she'd had a good Christmas. Without pause, Lydi replied, "Oh yes," and almost shoved her left hand in the poor girl's face. I was totally shocked; so was Lydia when she realized what she'd done, and we both shared a good laugh.
Anyway, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.